101 Responses To 'Go Out With Me, Evans'
by Dudette13
Summary: All the way from 'No' to 'Yes', with 99 others in between. Because we all know that Lily would've liked to be original from time to time... There should be a question mark behind 'Evans'... R&R!


**A/N:** Or properly titled **"101 Lily Evans Responses For The Question 'Hey, Evans, Will You Go Out With Me?'"**. Basically, most Aussies are out of school now, and I was BORED the other day, so decided to write a 101 list. Actually, originally it was going to be a 20 list, and go in my drabbles, but whatever. It was too much fun. I got a fair amount of these responses from past experiences with friends, _Scrubs,_ _The Adventures of Lano & Woodley_ and various other… things. So credit goes to them.

**Disclaimer:** I'd be happy to write another 101 list of reasons why I'm not JKR… but I think people would be convinced by number two.

"No."

"No way."

"Not on your life."

"Potter, if you ask me that again I will rip your tongue out. The answer is no."

"Are you about to turn into someone other than James Potter?" "No." "Then no."

"Go away."

"I would rather feed myself to a pack of hungry cheetahs." "…Does that by any chance happen to be one of your favourite hobbies?" "No!" "Aw."

"_So_ not in the mood, Potter!"

"If you never ask me that question again, then the next time you ask me I promise I'll say yes."

"Hmm… let me think. NO!" "Think harder."

"You think I'd say yes after you spilt spaghetti all over me?" "…well, yeah, maybe."

"Shut up!"

"Excuse me… trying to learn, see, it's what you're supposed to do at school."

"Git."

"Oh, go snog McGonagall." "…_what?_"

"Nope."

"It's been a year, are you really still confident?" "Yep." "Damn."

"Do you not realise how serious this situation is?"

"Piss off, Pothead."

"If you can't predict my answer by now I bet you'd suck at Divination."

"Listen; most girls in this school – and some boys – will go out with you… but I won't. Why won't you just date one of those idiots?"

"Aha. Ha. Ha. Oh, sorry, what? I was too busy laughing at your obvious lack of self dignity and dress sense."

"No. I will, however, kick you where it hurts the most…" "Going now." "Good."

"Only if…" "I should warn you, Evans, that whatever you say I will do somehow." "Never mind, then."

"Just because you have just won the Quidditch Cup for Gryffindor does not mean I want to go out with you!" "What about shag me?" "NO!" "Just checking."

"Never!"

"Remus, please tell Potter to shut up."

"Oh! Look over there! Someone who'll actually gives a stuff!" "Where?"

"I'm not going out with someone that's been castrated!" "But I haven't!" "Yet."

"Just because it's your birthday doesn't mean I'll say yes!" "How about maybe?"

"IF I GO OUT WITH YOU WILL YOU SHUT UP!?" "Yeah, duh." "As tempting as that sounds… it's not worth it."

"I'm too amazed at whatever that is you're wearing to even reply."

"Yeah, alright." "Really?" "Nup." "Merlin, Evans. I was already mentally planning my outfit."

"I'm going out with someone else!" "…Is it Remus?" "No…" "OK, then it doesn't matter if they die."

"NO!" "But… I love you!" "Pfft. Sure."

"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid."

"I couldn't understand that through the poor, deceased cow you're eating, but I'm guessing it was questioning as to whether I'd go out with you. To which I respond with 'No'." "Shcnamut." "Was that damnit?" "Yeah." "Haha!"

"Non. Aller noyer te dans le dragon bouse." "But that'll burn!" "You know French?" "Yep." "Huh, you learn something every day. Baiser éloigné!"

"No. Oh, by the way…" "OW!"

"You seriously think–" "No, not really. But it was worth a try."

"Fuck. Off." "Do I take that literally, or…?" "No."

"No. I only go out with guys."

"And here I was thinking that Remus becoming prefect would be a good influence on you."

"No I will not!" "Damn… I owe Sirius a galleon."

"I'm busy that day." "I didn't tell you which day!" "I will make it my business to be busy that day."

"No!" "Why not?" "You don't like me! You don't even know anything about me!" "You still cuddle your teddy, Smiley Bear, at night, and you wonder sometimes if there's really a cat heaven like your mum told you there was when Pepper died when you were five." "OK… that's freaky."

"Yes, of course… and detect the sarcasm here please, Pothead."

"If you say that once more I will scream." "Hey, Evans, will you go out with me?" "AHHHHHHHHHH!" "…Great, now Madam Pince is gunna kick us both out."

"Me saying yes is about as likely as it is that Peter is really a girl." "He hasn't told you?" "Nice try."

_No, Pothead, now stop passing notes or I'll give you a detention!_

"Where would you take me?" "…Madam Puddifoo–" "No." "Grr!"

"No, Pothead. See, I'm gay." "No you're not." "Aw, damn!"

"Don't you have a girlfriend?" "Yeah, so?"

"Piss off, dickhead!" "That's all? You're weakening…"

"Go fall off a broomstick."

"I'll kill you! I swear, I'll kill you!"

"I am not a 'Tiger Lily'!" "Are too."

"Bless you."

"Not today." "Ever?" "No." "C'mon, Evans! What could be more fun than a date with me?" "Stabbing myself with a fork."

"Lily says no." "James likes to refer to himself in third person, too." "Weirdo."

"What's the point of even asking me anymore?"

"Sorry, Pothead, but I'm late." "For what?" "That's not relevant."

"How much do restraining orders cost again?"

"It'll be a cold day in hell before I go out with you!"

"Sad, sad person."

"In your dreams." "You are in a lot of my dreams, actually…" "Don't go there."

"Can't you see I'm busy fantasising about an alternate universe where James Potter doesn't exist?"

"_Silencio!_"

"Stop asking me!" "I can't help it – It's a reflex!"

"Are you fucking serious?" "No… it would be a bit disturbing if I was." "…Gross!"

"Well… if you don't have intelligence, respect, integrity or modesty, at least you can have perseverance."

"Ahh… you had to ruin my six weeks of not hearing that, didn't you?" "Technically, I did write to you over the summer." "But I didn't read it."

"What're you, deaf?"

"Over my dead body!"

"Shut up, insulting name." "Um?" "Be quiet you idiotic, egotistical prick, I'm having an off day… ooh, look at that! I bounced back!"

"Uhh… no." "I'd be really romantic!" "You can't even _spell_ romantic!" "Can too! R – O – M… um… E?"

"Don't make me slap you."

"'Scuse me while I go bang my head repetitively on a brick wall."

"Is that the wind?"

"If you do not shut up this text book will be shoved into your throat and I will sit and watch as your body painfully tries to push it through your digestive system." "…You're going to watch me poop?"

"I _know_ I'm preventing our love. That's the whole point."

"Forever asking… forever being denied."

"No, Potter. Merlin, you're like Hogwarts in July." "Hogwarts in July?" "No class."

"Potter, can you keep a secret?" "Yeah…" "Then come closer… closer… closer… _closer…_ NO I WILL NOT GO OUT WITH YOU!" "That's not a very well kept secret."

"The only person I think would be worse to date is Vernon Dursley." "Yes! I'm better than someone! You so like me."

"N–" "Now before you say no, think about what this could offer!" "You're right… _definitely_ no."

"Nope. Me and my friends made a pact that we wouldn't ever date Marauders." "Your best friend dated Remus last year!" "Yeah… I meant Marauders that suck."

"Hmm… what time would it be?" "All day!" "Where would we go?" "Hogsmeade." "More specifically." "Uhh… pretty much everywhere." "What would you wear?" "Smart casual." "Like?" "Jeans and a smart sort of top. Like a button up or something." "What would you expect?" "Nothing more that whatever you're comfortable with." "Would we eat?" "I'd buy you lunch." "When?" "Next Hogsmeade weekend. So… will you?" "No, of course not."

"Will you be quiet before McGonagall gives us both detention?" "Uh… too late."

"Why're you so stupid, stupid?"

"How bad do you want it?" "Pretty bad, Evans, can't you tell?" "That's not bad enough!"

"If you manage to raise the dead." "…It can't be that hard." "And inferi don't count." "Damn!"

"No, oh stalker of mine."

"Negative."

"I'm not going to be so undignified as to respond to that." "…Is that a yes?" "That, either."

"Just because we're both Heads doesn't mean we need to get along."

"Roses are reds, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and I HATE YOU! LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"It's half a year 'till graduation, you might never see me again!" "Unfortunately, Pothead, I don't think that would be the case."

"No. G-go away." "Evans? Are you crying?" "I said go away!" "What's wrong?" "I-it's nothing, Potter." "Doesn't look like nothing." "Don't worry about it." "How can I not worry about it?"

"NO! I WILL NOT GO OUT WITH YOU! WHY CAN'T IT GET THROUGH TO YOU IDIOTIC BRAIN? I HAVE NEVER LIKED YOU! I NEVER WILL LIKE YOU! WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE? FOR FIVE YEARS YOU HAVE BEEN BUGGING ME AND IN FIVE YEARS I HAVE NEVER SAID YES! AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I NEVER WILL SAY YES! YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME BUT YOU DON'T TREAT ME THAT WAY! YOU BET WITH YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT ME, YOU BUG ME, YOU PRANK ME… I DON'T KNOW _WHY _I'M THE ONLY ONE IN THIS SCHOOL THAT ACTUALLY HATES YOU! I REALLY DON'T NEED THIS RIGHT NOW, POTTER! JUST _GO AWAY!_"

"Yes."


End file.
